It's been a while since I've updated my blog...
Life's been kinda hectic, never been so emotionally stressed before.
Living in Rotterdam is not like I've imagined it to be.
My vision was very simple: Independent (away from my parents overprotection.)
The real deal is you'll never get privacy when you're an 18 year old student living in dorms with a same age student. It's like sharing all over the place! I don't mind sharing, but I just don't like to share with someone who doesn't share with me. Ok, she's greedy. I kinda miss my family. And yeah my friends were right I also miss them badly.
Here's my story about my student life in Rotterdam...
School started and I was going back to my parents every passed two weeks on the weekend. I felt free when I was back in Rotterdam. So did I acted in a way...
I went shopping every day, because I just don't like to be home that often. I've found a part-time job at a big catering company, slaved myself badly though I've made friends there. I also went out to dance with some old friends. I met my co-worker during a party and went to a concert with him. My first concert. Ended up going to his parents house one night, watched a movie together, stayed for the night and being brought to school the next morning. Days after that we just didn't contact each other anymore. I don't know what to say to him. He doesn't show any interests anymore, I guess I'm not that interesting. I've also let a few other friends sleep over. Realizing I just don't like to be alone.
Sometimes I just can't get understand the people her, hey I'm still the girl from Groningen! Though people here tend to look down on me, being a countrygirl or something. I'm not! Groningen is also a city! I just feel dumb in comparison with my classmates, I know I can do better. But my brain just ain't working with me here. Like my motivation for school is gone, blown away to some other girls head. I'm all about last-minute and spontaneous actions lately. I've taken another part-time job at a sushi restaurant, just to be able to pay my rent and take care of myself, not that my parents don't financially support me. But I just feel more independent and less guilty when I know I've earned it myself. Though they do give me some cash occasionally just so I have a little extra. I do feel happy and blessed that I've come so far. I'm living on my own in a big city, with my own choices and responsibilities. I've been thinking what to do when I don't pass this year. You might think: Why would she say this all of a sudden. I just haven't been doing well at school. Just felt so de-motivated since I've screwed up my first exam. Let's say I just didn't studied for it, because I was lazy. I'm ought to try harder. I have to retake a lot of exams, hoping to pass this year. Wonder if I can really do it. Valentinesday just passed. What does love mean to me lately? Well it kinda doesn't really mean anything to me. I know that it must go both ways to work. I know it means hard work and a lot of dedication. But I just don't know if I can do it, nor do I believe someone would try so hard to stay with me. I'm all about standards, someone without my standards I just won't let them in. I've let someone in before, but with regrets I must say: I'll never do that again. My mother warned me: You can have a boyfriend, but if he breaks you, don't you dare to cry harder than him.
She's right though my mother and I have too big of a pride to be apologize or say I love you to some boy. We just need some head start. My daddy said: You can always stop, by ignoring them. Haha daddy just wants his little girl to stay single. I would love to, but every girl needs love. I'm like my daddy when it comes to being sentimental. Since I've moved, daddy texts me: I love you. Before that, he had never told me that. Made me cry when I first saw it. We are more open to each other, though I'll never tell him about me falling for some boy. He'll be less proud of his little girl.
I'm going to finish my rapport tonight and I'm going back to Groningen this weekend <3
